23 July 2005


Someone asked me today if I'm going on vacation. I do have some days next month; but I'm not going away. I want to stay at home.

Today I spent some time working on my house, doing things which have been on my to-do list for three years.

FlyLady has been one of those who has helped me on the long, slow road to reclaiming my ability to live a full life. Step by tiny step, I am learning how to care for my house, and myself, in ways which are natural, pleasant and fun. I do very small bits; but they stay done. This is not something I've experienced before, ever. It is an amazing feeling to be able to teach myself the skills which some people seem to know from the moment they take their first steps, and do it without haste, and self-loathing, and self-recrimination.

In doing this, I am very slowly taking apart a monster which has sat on my life since I was a child. With each square inch of surface decluttered, each box of give-aways filled, I feel better and more confident.

My goal is Thanksgiving: I want to have the house in good enough shape to have my sister and her husband over this year. Haven't mentioned it to them yet; I might not make it in time. But today I did some work, 15 minutes at a time, and it was fun to succeed.

There are so many women who regularly feel hatred of themselves, constantly pressured, martyred, and unhappy. The housework is a constant bone of contention; the family's joy is stifled by the fighting that breaks out over the simplest chores. Parties are unimaginably exhausting due to the crash cleaning that goes on ahead of time, and the emotional outbursts along with it.

That was my experience. I was unaware of another way.

It takes a long time to overcome those old habits, but it can be done, with gentle encouragement, a willingness to let go (of a lot of stuff, both things and thoughts), and a plan.

It's just remarkable that a woman would give of her time to use the Internet to supply the help and hints and encouragement and love which so many simply never understood, or even had. I'm grateful to her.

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